Try Something New for a Month

I am utterly addicted to TED videos. They are inspirational, informational and usually has everything my brain wants. Around New Year’s  Eve I was watching: Try Something New For 30 DaysThe title describes it well, and I encourage everyone to go watch it and get inspired. It is all too easy to get stuck in a daily routine.

The video sure inspired me and I decided to try something for the 31 days of January. In January I cut out dairy and ate a vegan diet for 31 days. I also decided to de-clutter my life a little and got rid of one thing every day. 31 things later I cannot notice any difference, so we will most likely keep up with it and slowly de-clutter. Our goal is to one day live in a small house with only the things that we actually use.

For February I have two goals. My first is to read at least 5 pages every day. I used to read a lot, but haven’t in later years and want to get back to it. So at least a little bit every day to stimulate my mind and set a good example for bean. I also decided to do at least 5 minutes of meditation every day. When we lived closer to monasteries we went at least once a week for long meditations and practiced shorter at home. Now all monasteries are so far away we just don’t go and I can feel the difference in my mind. So here’s hopefully the new beginning to a continued mindful life.

And, because I like to overdo things, I decided to join  Fitness, Finance and Fun on a journey through Fab Ab February. I am not sure if this is the blog it originates from because there are so many out there, but it’s the one I got the info from. I will add this to my regular (although more sporadic and spur-of-the-moment) workouts to really stabilize my core and keep  my back healthy and strong. Anyone with me??

Fab Ab February

Advertisements

Work, work, work… I just want to sleep

I don’t  know what I am supposed to feel right now. I thought I would be mad, but mostly I’m just apathetic.

In the midst of the pregnancy storm I am starting to have work issues. A lot of them. And they are becoming increasingly noticeable.

About a week ago the sales manager approached me and told me all about how valuable I am to the company and explained my place in it. She also told me I could start working from home and only come in for meetings on Tue. Great. Awesome news. I told her we might be moving (big #fail on my part), so it was great timing because now my  job didn’t stop me.

Then I get called into a meeting with the supervisor.. he says working from home is a problem and that maybe I’m not the right person for them since I am moving. There’s a lot more to the story, but it just feels like they are ganging up on me and trying to push me away. I just wish they would be upfront and say: We appreciate everything you have done for us for hardly any pay at all, but we don’t see you as a good fit going forward with our expansions, so we just want to give you a heads up that you have two more months to show us improvements in these areas (specify), but you might want to start looking for another job.

It would be hard to hear, but I would have more respect for everyone in the company if that was the case. Better than now, when it feels like if I say something that they don’t agree on, I will be done the next day. I don’t feel welcome at work anymore and I feel sick when I have to go in. I am tired of the work I am doing, but need the little money it brings in… Off to search the Internet for a job closer to where we (hopefully) will live.

I just hate job-searching. Resumes, cover letters, the “I am so great” tone you have to put to everything. I hate it. Just wish everyone could be real. I am good at this, not so good at this- but I will work hard as hell. Who wants to hire a pregnant woman anyway?

What’s the difference between being alive and truly living?

It’s funny that this question is for today. So fitting. Right now I am alive. I am semi-rotting at a job I don’t care for and whose goal (profit) I somewhat resent. To truly live I would need to work for someone who is making a change somehow (fitness, health, help kids, non-profits etc) and pays well enough for me to pay rent and bills and have enough money to go travel and experience people/places/friends/family.  That is what I am working toward, that is what I am looking for.

Baby Boom!

If everything goes well for all of us, the grand-parents to be will be grand-parents to be twice, before 2013. Suck on that one for a minute.

We are due Nov. 28. So is my sister-in-law. And my little brother’s fiance is due Dec. 27. Wohaaa.

1 week and 5 days until the first trimester is over. We can do it baby. Just a little more and then another 28 weeks.

 

64. What should always be taken seriously?

Depend on how you define seriously. Seriously as with a stern face, or seriously as in importance? On the first I think nothing. There should always be an element of play and fun. On the second I think life. Life is important. Enjoy every day and work toward your goals. They might be compromised on the way, but you should never give up. And don’t forget to stop and enjoy the flutter of a butterfly 🙂

Once Upon a Time…

Once upon a time I knew my body. I knew what it was thinking, what it wanted to do and what to do to keep it happy. This pregnancy has kicked all that to the side. This new body is in constant demand and it is really difficult to please it.

Last night for example, I learned that I cannot cook. The mere thought of cooking something throws me in a nauseous spell. During these spells I have learned it is best to lie down on my left side and munch on crackers. And Ginger Ale.

I also learned that when hunger pocks, the nausea won’t go away. And when the husband is not home. I have to make something. As I barely made it to the kitchen I was thinking about what seemed the most appetizing at the moment. Toast. And banana. What a lovely combination. My new go-to food. I’ve also learned that apple slices (have to cut it first, just can’t bite a piece out of the whole thing) dipped in peanut butter works well. As do oranges.

Combined with crackers and Ginger Ale I seem to get all the nutrients I need, right?

 

58. What are you glad you quit?

I’m glad I quit… [As I was thinking I got preoccupied with a scar on my arm. It looks just like a heart]… have I ever quit anything? Nothing to be proud, or glad of. I guess I’m glad I quit looking for love in the wrong places. Or just looking for love over all. When I stopped looking it just came to me. Guess you have to be ripe to achieve.

Two Lines and a Happy Face

Found a Dollar Tree store very close to our neighborhood. I laughed when I found it, because I’ve been in that area so many times. Been to the laundromat, been to the Goodwill. But I just never went to the end of the parking lot. Or else, I would’ve known all along. Could have saved me tons of trips through downtown, but that’s ok. Now I know.

Dollar Tree is my lifesaver. A pregnancy test costs, $1. Instead of paying up to $10 at the regular store. As I was looking for the Dollar Tree I read in a forum. A girl said she was not yet ready to be pregnant, because she couldn’t even afford to buy a pregnancy test at the regular store. Guess that’s true. Not sure how to spend the money to take care of a baby as well. But, from what I have learned when it comes to money, you compromise and it works out.

By the way, two lines appeared as I peed on a stick… All I can do is to enjoy and hope for the best this time around. 🙂

55. What should you avoid to improve your life?

Why should I avoid to improve anything? Improvement should be good, right?

Body’s acting weird- pregnant?

I feel funny. I’ve been feeling funny for days.

Two days ago I started to think- am I preggo…?

The more I think about it, the more paranoid I get. I feel every little thing in my body and I tribute it to me possibly being pregnant. Today was my first day of a missed period. Although that doesn’t say much in my case, since my period usually decides when to show up. It can be 5-10 days early or late. So that measurement isn’t a 100 percent trust-worthy. But still, there’s just something about my body that isn’t normal.

So what’s wrong with me? How nice of you to ask.
I’m hot, temperature-wise.  My stomach is acting up. I fart a lot more than usual. Heartburn. Higher pulse faster. Lack of appetite. Uneasy sleeping. Lots of peeing…

As soon as the dollar store stack up on tests I will be wondering. WAY to expensive at other stores, and I don’t have the time to go to planned parenthood when I work. Until then, I’ll live in uncertainty.

54. What do you wish did not exist in your life?

I don’t want to remove anything. There is nothing terrible nagging me and wearing me down. My life consists of both roller coasters and plain roads, just like every yin has its yang.

That Time of the Month

I want to get pregnant. I want to have a kid. Do I? Do I really though? What about all the things I want to do, the things I want to see. Well, you could see that with a baby. Would make it a little more challenging but not at all impossible. You traveled when you were a kid, a lot. Why not repay that favor to your child. True. But what about our motorcycle ride? We can’t take a kid on a motorcycle… Well, look at it this way. You are working for money to have roof over your head. You don’t get any time off. The time off you do get you probably want to spend with your family since you never get to see them…. so, are you really going to travel anyway?

And on it goes. My conversations with myself…. One can get schizophrenic for less. But I think I established that having a kid/not having a kid is not the point. I think I can do what I want to even with a kid. And I can probably not do what I want even without a kid… so maybe now is a great time? Maybe not. I guess biology comes into it to. Whenever biology says here’s your kid. I will gladly welcome it.

This is what occupies my mind at this point in the cycle. You know, between the murder weeks (when it feels like someone is cutting your ovaries up with knifes), at that point where you feel super attractive, close to zit free and no bloating whatsover. The week when biology tells you, hey it’s time for babymaking….

53. What do you do when nothing else seems to make you happy?

I cry. For a little bit. As I am crying I think about all the things I should be lucky for. Then I cry some more because I miss friends and family. After I felt sorry for myself and all my misfortunes I usually feel better. Think that time to myself, to empty out and have a hearty cry is good for me.

Previous Older Entries