Up Up and Away!

Tomorrow is finally the day. We are taking off in early morning to head abroad. To head homehome and enjoy family and friends. I haven’t left the US for 2 years, and now I need the European air more than ever. It will be nice to go home and recharge the batteries a bit.

My parents are super excited. They have been washing piles of old baby clothes. Getting it ready for us to come pick some up!

We are trying to finish up the last over here before we leave. Hubby is putting the finishing touches (adding doors, ventilations, light spots, feeding place etc.) to the new iguana cage so we can leave Heisenberg happy in a cage big enough for her when we leave.

Also trying to get some packing done, although I know we’ll be up all night for that. Will be making some lunch boxes to bring with us since they won’t serve us any food all the way to our layover in New York. Don’t think I can do 8 hours without food in me! Hopefully they won’t take it away from us as we go through security.

And hubby’s nana is having us over for dinner… I just want to yell WE DO NOT HAVE TIME! But I won’t, because I’m way too nice for my own good at times. I usually don’t mind spending time with her at all, but we got tons of shit to do. And, I do mind the dinners. She still hasn’t really understood the meaning of being a vegetarian. Last time she made beef pasta. We got to eat ice berg lettuce… This time she said she is making a chicken salad but leaving the chicken out. So basically, it will be ice berg lettuce again. Good thing I have a bunch of spinach to dig into as we get home 🙂

I’m a little nervous about flying. But hoping it will all go well. We have decent seats, I have my compression socks and with a lot of moving around the 18 hours will hopefully just fly by! Keeping my fingers and toes crossed again 🙂

Halfway There Belly Pic
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What a Day….

…What a Wonderful Day!

Today has been hectic, nerve-wrecking, busy and made me ready for a nap!

I started drinking my water at 8 a.m. Was supposed to finish a bottle before 9 and then hold it until our 9.30 ultrasound appointment. They sure like to torture us pregnant women. Needless to say I was about to explode 10 minutes before they called me in.

The ultrasound lady started doing her thing, but didn’t tell us anything. All we could see was a baby lying still and a spine. Shit, both of us thought. Usually when they don’t say anything it is bad news. Like, really bad news. Scared to death, we were both just staring at the screen holding our breaths.

As the lady started pushing on my bladder I made a face. She asked if everything was ok, and I said yes, except I’m about to pee in my pants. She let me go and empty and then continued. And there it was. The beating heart. Both me and hubby breathed out. 146 beats per minute.

About halfway through she started telling us what was going on and what we saw etc. It was nice. A big head with lots of hair! Big feet. Two arms and two legs. All the internal organs. Little tiny fingers. And he was talking to us, or just swallowing fluids… but the mouth was moving and he was cute. Yup, he. Baby bean is a boy 🙂

Which is funny, because I knew he was. I told hubby days ago, I know it’s a boy. I can feel it. Don’t know why, and I don’t know what a boy would feel like, but I just knew. Call it mom intuition 🙂

We’re now a very happy family halfway through the pregnancy!

The BIG one, coming up.

Every time the fear. Every time the worries. Every single time.

We are up for an ultrasound tomorrow. The BIG ultrasound. With 20 weeks behind us and 20 to go I am still about to crawl into a ball and cry of nervousness. I am scared because I cannot for SURE say I have felt bean move yet. There is something going on in there that I think is bean, but I can’t assure myself that’s what it is.

People I’ve been talking to have looked at my belly saying, no way you are 20 weeks and you do not look pregnant. Which, I know I do, but every time I hear it I get worried and google pictures of other mothers as far along as me. That neither reassures nor helps at all. But I still do it.

In reality we listened to beans heart strong and sound less than 2 weeks ago. My belly is growing nicely and I do look pregnant, both in face and body. So, things should be fine. I know some mothers-to-be look forward to ultrasounds. I mostly want to get them over with. I love them, after the fact. Before, I am a nervous wreck. Not until bean is coming up on the big screen can I relax and shed a tear of joy and elation.

So we’re crossing our fingers and toes, saying our Namo Amithabas to calm the soul and wait…for tomorrow.

Maternity piercings

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Yay! My preggers jewelry came in the mail today! Just in time, it started to get stretchy. Now I can get as fat as I need to! 🙂

A couple of complaints

After spending a LOT of time with the in-laws lately. Like the entire extended family…. I am dead tired of the question, well how are YOU feeling? And all inquisitive questions about symptoms and morning sickness and stuff.

I’m not yet comfortable talking about my pregnancy that much. A little bit is ok. But all the time? Until I am huge and can feel the baby kicking and squirming regularly, I am too scared to talk about baby bean. I feel like everyone just expects that pregnancy is easy and happens. They don’t realize we’ve been through two miscarriages and as much as we love baby bean, it is difficult to constantly talk to outsiders about it. Really difficult.

And when they want to know about symptoms, do they really? My boobs are about to explode, my nipples leak and I haven’t pooped in days due to constipation. Is that REALLY what they want to hear?

Complaints aside, in 6 days we are going in for the big second trimester ultrasound! Hopefully bean will have all the limbs s/he needs and a strong healthy heart beat. Getting to know the sex is only a bonus!

Although, here is another complaint… everyone thinks it is so great we get to know the sex so we can prepare. Prepare how? And why would it matter? I plan to dress baby bean in whatever clothes I like (until s/he is big enough to pick them out). I plan to dress bean in all colors. Not just pinks, or blues… Who says you have to have boy and girl stuff? Why not just baby stuff?

WIC is the shit

The job story… I have delayed writing this post, mostly because it pisses me off. Some weeks ago I was laid off. Unexpectedly to everyone, well except my supervisor who has been plotting. I came in to work as usual and the day was going well until he called me in to his office, with the office manager. Great, I thought. What is going on now.

He bluntly stated that I had been great but the investors wanted to go a different way with the website and hire an outside contractor, once the site I was working on with a developer is done. Basically, they did not want to pay me anymore. So off I went. Bye bye.

Just like that. Exactly one week after I told him I was pregnant, I was out. Coincidence? Maybe. But I still wish I hadn’t said anything. All in all it is going to suck, mostly for them. Yeah, they don’t have to pay my mediocre salary, but all the direction on the new web page is gone, because guess who was in charge of layout/design/etc? yup, moi. Sucks because I wanted to finish it so I could have something for my portfolio, but I guess duties on a resume works too.

The bad news about not having a job anymore is that I no longer get paid and am now poor again. The good in the bad is that we qualify for WIC. So I went in to the office today and got signed up and have this months checks in hand. Thank you WIC, for making my life easier. One less thing to stress about when I know I’ll at least have nutrition for the baby bean.

Belly Time

So far in this pregnancy the focus has been on my boobs. They have increased 4 times in size and are just big, heavy and in the way. I do no longer envy bib-breasted women, and would be quite happy to loose a size or two after pregnancy. My upper back has seriously been hurting, because of the strain of keeping it upright. Phew, and I thought I was strong!

But now, the focus is on the growing belly. At least mine is. Within the past week at least 3 people have told me I don’t look at all pregnant (this was before our last clinic appointment). I just wanted to punch them. Because I did not know for sure the baby was ok, so when people kept telling me they didn’t believe me, I was about to freak out  for a minute. But I am only 18 weeks, and I do think the belly is growing perfectly.

And here is the proof:

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